Become More Confident & Be The Best Version of Yourself
You have asked many times how to become more confident. As I don’t know you in person all I will tell you what has worked for me.
You need to know two things. Science has proved that confidence is practised and anyone can learn it. It is not just my opinion. Second, is that what other people think is not important.
Here’s what worked for me. Let’s get started
1. Change your standards of beauty.
” Feeling beautiful is more of a conscious decision than a feeling.”
– The Princientist
Right now, you have your own beauty standard. When you look in the mirror, what do you think? It is probably something like this: I would be beautiful if… ” I was thinner”, My nose was smaller” “My hair was different”.
Those thoughts are your standard of beauty. Change your mind about this standard.
How? Create a new standard that looks more like you. And second, take steps toward reinforcing that standard.
On your social media, follow people who look like you. The idea is that every time you open any app you will see many people who look like you living amazing lives. Being loved, in happy relationships, good jobs and looking beautiful on top of that.
You will understand that the way you look, although important is not a deterrent to living a happy and fulfilling life. Find people who have similar jobs, similar height, similar weight, similar body type, and similar hair.
Don’t take this step lightly. Seeing is believing. That is why we are all fighting so hard for positive representation. Because it matters. Because it changes the narrative and has the power to change your mind.
If those people look like you and you think they are beautiful you will start feeling beautiful too. That is a fact. To me, it was following black girl pages and then skinny black girls and then introverted black girls. All of a sudden all parts of me were fully and beautifully represented. They were beautiful and so was I.
First, you will see. Second, you will love it. Third, you will copy. So find people like you so you can see yourself in a positive light.
2. Change your story
I learned this year in a book that we all live in a narrative we created in our minds. I recommend this book to you. It is called – the defining decade, by Meg Jay. You can listen to the audiobook for free. Find the link to my blog post below.
You have been telling yourself the same story for many years, and that story impacted how you feel about yourself and how you present yourself to the world.
Mine was something like this: Because the kids at school told me I was boring and ugly, I lived many years believing that I was unattractive and a bad company to keep around.
I would refuse invitations, avoid new friendships and run from boys because that belief was still with me. I, by myself, reinforced this story every time I refused anything that could change my mind.
So I learned to create a new story: I am a beautiful young black woman that was bullied in school by mean kids. What they said is not necessarily a reality.
I decided to believe that reality, and now I don’t. My story did not end there and will not be defined by those people.
And then you act to refute those bad comments you’ve heard in your life. Create solid evidence that what they said is not true. Dress cute. Try that hairstyle that makes you feel like a goddess. Take photos as evidence of your beauty. Compliment yourself. Practice confidence every day in different ways.
Read, read and read. The world gets so much bigger with books. And your perceptions of what is beautiful and confidence will change with time and knowledge.
3. Be aware of your thoughts
Completely underrated, but it changed my life. Count how many times a day you:
-
- insult yourself over big or small things;
-
- are mean to yourself about your body or actions;
-
- put yourself down;
-
- say you can’t do something without trying;
-
- say you’re sorry for no reason;
-
- compliment yourself;
-
- self-soothe;
You will notice that you are probably very mean and put yourself down a lot. You say things to yourself you would not say to others because you are scared to hurt their feelings. But you think you deserve that treatment.
After a week, you will realize how often you mistreat yourself and how that gives others permission to do the same.
” Sometimes you are your own biggest bully.”
– The Princientist
Be aware of what you say to yourself and start creating arguments as to why that is not true.
Next time you call yourself stupid, tell yourself about 3 or 4 things you did well recently and how everyone makes mistakes.
Learn how to self-soothe. Be your own friend and treat yourself nicely. When things don’t go well, you are all you have. Don’t put down your biggest asset.
Final Thoughts
Confidence is the belief that you can achieve positive results despite any problems.
A lack of confidence is a mental block you cannot overcome by just thinking about all the things you could do differently. You have to practice confidence until you change your mind about yourself.
As you can see, all tips are about changing your mindset to provide you with a positive self-image. It is because the “fake it till you make it” approach only takes you so far.
Only by having a system that allows questioning why you feel bad about yourself in the first place and how to do the work internally to change will you be confident regardless of external factors.
Disclaimer: This article is informational only. This article does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. If you have questions or concerns about mental health, you should make an appointment to see a board-certified psychologist.
More in Personal Development
These songs change the narrative on stereotypes. The lyrics evoke self-confidence and self-care and encourage leadership and independence.
These books are filled with ideas that can have a positive effect on your life. The way to expand is to acquire new information and books provide just that.
