Stop Caring About Opinions And Be Yourself
Opinions can be a good source of information about yourself and help you grow.
The hard part is to decide which opinions are relevant.
In the science world, there are things called relevant sources of information.
Whether it is a book or a scientific article, you have to read it to find information that proves your idea is correct.
When you recite this information on a paper, you must list where you got it.
How does this apply to life?
If you treat opinions as sources of information, you have to filter them and mention only the relevant ones.
This blog post will help you reevaluate unsolicited opinions holding you back from being authentic.
What is an opinion?
An opinion is everything from a comment about your looks to a post on social media.
Even a review from your boss on your work is an opinion.
Opinions bother you because you see them as personal criticism and personal attacks instead of subjective comments.
Opinions will stop bothering you when you see them as tools that exist to help you with self-improvement.
To understand which opinions are relevant and can help you grow as a person, 5 criteria can be applied: Authority, Accuracy, Objectivity, Coverage and Currency.
Think about each criterion individually. They are not connected.
For each criterion, answer the proposed questions.
You will also find suggestions on how to act to get over this moment.
1. Authority (who)
– Used to decide if the person who hurt you is someone you should listen to.
You receive dozens of opinions daily, which is why context is essential.
It helps you not to feel personally attacked or victimized.
For example, the opinion of a stranger about your personality has no impact.
Talking about your personality requires knowing you personally.
But talking about a first impression does not. Makes sense?
Think about what has been bothering you and ask yourself the following questions:
- Is the person who made this comment an important figure in your life (parent, family, close friend or mentor)?
- What is this person’s experience with you? Personal, professional, or mere acquaintance?
- Is it someone you should believe in? And do you trust them?
If the answer to these questions is yes, move on to the next criteria.
On the contrary, if the answer is no, move on with your life.
This person is clearly not important enough to live in your head rent-free.
If you still cannot move on, think about why this opinion matters to you.
- Do you want to be liked?
- Or do you need validation? Were you triggered by past trauma?
- Perhaps you felt humiliated or worthless?
Evaluate these options.
Name what you are feeling so you can process your emotions properly.
2. Currency (when)
– Used to help you put things in perspective.
- When was this comment said?
- Is this person currently in contact with you?
If this opinion is recent and bothering you, it is time to confront whoever said it.
Confrontation does not mean you are starting a fight.
Communicate the issue respectfully and listen to what the other person has to say.
If this opinion was shared a long time ago it can change how you see the people you interact with now.
Try to understand if this is someone who has been talking about you behind your back.
If this person does not wish you well, keep a distance.
But if there is no meaningful contact at the moment, then try and let it go.
There is no point in saving space in your life for anyone who did not choose you.
3. Coverage (what was said)
– Used to clarify the situation
- Do they know the whole story?
Not having complete information before commenting can make anyone wrong.
You can choose to clarify and make peace or leave things as they are.
In my opinion, if it is a narrative that damages your character and reputation it should be addressed.
4. Accuracy (how it was said)
– Used to decide if the opinion is based on facts.
- Is the opinion provided based on proven facts? Where is the proof?
- Have you heard similar things before?
- Does this information reveal a pattern of your behaviour (good or bad)?
The most valuable opinions are from someone who knows you well.
Even if they are unpleasant to hear, these conversations are based on knowledge and rely upon evidence rather than irony and anecdote.
Someone who knows you well can tell you the truth about your toxic behaviour.
For example, if someone who lives with you keeps telling you “You always do this”.
Instead of seeing it as a personal attack, you can see it as an opportunity to do better.
Ask yourself: is it true? Can I improve on it?
Use this feedback as a tool for self-improvement or as an opportunity to discuss how you would like to be addressed in the future.
You can set boundaries at this time.
5. Objectivity (why it was said)
– Used to help you decide what to do next.
- How objective is the opinion? Is this person overwhelmed/emotional?
- What is the tone of language used (angry, sarcastic, emotive, objective)? It can be a joke you didn’t get.
If you heard this opinion from someone who is overwhelmed and emotional, then calm down.
Let them calm down as well and communicate.
State your boundaries and apply consequences when they are not respected.
Second chances are okay in this case because words said in anger are rarely meant.
Give grace, to receive grace when you say things that hurt other people as well.
- Is there an agenda? Could this person be doing it on purpose to spite you or cause a reaction? Manipulative behaviour works this way.
- Does the information try to inform or persuade inappropriately?
- Is it to try and get you to do something you wouldn’t normally agree with or think is wrong? Ex: peer pressure, guilt trip, emotional manipulation.
If the opinion had the sole purpose of manipulating you or making you do something you don’t want to do, do not engage in discussion.
Simply state your boundaries and apply consequences when they are not respected.
Remember you can always leave the room.
- Does this person have a unique perspective that cannot be found elsewhere? (They have been there or know someone who has).
You may feel bad, but listening to the opinions and points of view of those who have been where you are, can bring insight into your situation and help you see things clearly.
There is nothing wrong with listening to what someone who has been there, has to say.
Just take the parts that fit into your particular situation.
What is a Relevant Opinion?
How do you identify relevant opinions then?
A relevant opinion, based on the criteria above, is the one that is coming from someone trustworthy who knows you well and that you’re in touch with.
This opinion is not trying to manipulate you.
It is accurate and objective even if it is not pleasant and covers a relevant topic in your life.
What do you do with irrelevant opinions?
You dismiss them expeditiously and without a second thought.
How to stop caring about what others think
You never stop caring about opinions.
What happens is that you learn how to distinguish between projection and truth.
Build a strong sense of self-worth and believe in yourself more than you believe what other people tell you.
Remember that not everything said about you is the truth.
Not even the bad things you say to yourself.
Sit with what is bothering you and logically dissect that thought with the criteria I showed you.
If something bothers you, address it calmly and respectfully.
After confrontation, is the best time to set boundaries and explain how you want to be treated in the future.
Defend yourself. You are not powerless before comments and opinions that damage your mental health.
Do not passively accept others’ opinions.
Go further and counter-argument, deny them.
Show proof of your past behaviour that contradicts this information.
Opinions come with a lot of judgment over your life choices.
Talk to a friend who is supportive about what you are doing.
You can reach out to someone who has accomplished success following the same path.
The opinion you will hear is different and more informed.
It is important to seek out happy people to talk to because their first instinct is to listen and guide you toward what is genuine to you.
Opinions make great excuses.
The number one reason you are not moving forward with a dream is probably what others will think of you.
The number one reason you quit your goals is because someone close to you is judging you.
Don’t let other people stop you from achieving a dream that visits you every night.
In the end, you have the pain of decision or the pain of regret. Pick your pain.
Be your own source of motivation.
Talk to yourself nicely.
Listen to the podcast and watch the motivational videos.
Have a journal and affirmations.
Pray or meditate.
Do whatever works for you to keep you happy and confident.
Opinions and comments should be evaluated accurately, particularly when online.
You must be able to critically evaluate their appropriateness before relying on them and accepting them as truth.
Especially in today’s internet environment, everyone has an opinion.
As a result, not all comments are reliable or true!
To be free, you must distinguish between different opinions and their different levels of value and importance to your life.
And then apply the relevant ones appropriately.
In general, other people’s opinions should be treated with caution and not believed immediately.
Disclaimer: This article is informational only. This article does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. If you have questions or concerns about mental health, you should make an appointment to see a board-certified psychologist.
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